


Pepto Bismol Pink is for Desire

by FeralPen



Category: Daredevil (TV), Deadpool (Movieverse), Iron Fist (TV), Jessica Jones (TV), Luke Cage (TV), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Defenders (Marvel TV), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Deus Ex Machina, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Love Potion/Spell, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 23:46:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15617691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeralPen/pseuds/FeralPen
Summary: A new drug on the street douses the Defenders - forcing them to call outside help to contain the multitude of sudden romantic troubles they've found themselves in.





	Pepto Bismol Pink is for Desire

**Author's Note:**

> A stupid thing I wrote just for fun. Not sure where it came from, but here you go.

“This is not what I had in mind when you said, ‘hey, let’s go bust up this new date rape drug that’s terrorizing the streets.’”

The drug was pink. Like, lurid Pepto Bismol pink powder, and it was everywhere. She could feel it worming its way down the space in between her breasts as she spoke. It was pink, and it smelled like someone had crushed up mothballs and soaked them in pancake syrup. It was the most disgusting thing that had happened in at least three months. Jessica Jones was decidedly unimpressed.

Murdock couldn’t stop sneezing. He’d long-since abandoned his horny helmet, and the rest of his outfit was dusted in a fine layer of pink powder. He was polite enough to catch his sneezes in the crook of his elbow, but each sneeze raised another puff of powder and prompted at least three more sneezes. 

He turned towards her and - wow, okay, his whole face was leaking. There was no discreet way to hide the rivers of watery snot pouring out of both nostrils and the tears streaming all the way from his eyes to his chin. It was probably the second-most disgusting thing she’d seen in at least three months.

He still mustered some dignity as he said, in a slightly nasally voice, “To be fair, Plan A didn’t include the drugs exploding in our faces.”

She hummed. “Yeah, definitely wasn’t how that was supposed to go down. My question is - what exactly do we do now?”

Murdock sneezed again, miserably. “I don’t know.”

Jessica took pity on him and dug around some nearby cabinets until she found some towels. She tossed him one, which he somehow managed to sense coming despite the snot-pocalypse happening on his face. He immediately buried his face in the towel and sneezed again.

“Okay, official private investigator advice: let’s start with what we do know.”

What they did know was this:

1\. Three days ago, Murdock had caught onto a new drug making its rounds in the party scene. The idea was to get the victim of your choice to inhale or ingest the drug, and make physical contact with the victim. People on the drug seemed to instantly become infatuated with the first person they saw and touched, thus making hooking up super easy. The downside? That’s fucking rape, and Murdock immediately brought the Defenders in on the case.  
2\. They tracked the dealers down to the warehouse where they were producing it. The idea was to gather enough evidence to take to the police, including a sample of the drug to be tested to find out what the hell it was. Nothing went right, obviously, and long story short, the whole team got doused.  
3\. Half of the whole team was knocked unconscious and tied to the support pillars of Colleen’s dojo.  
4.The other half was in the wind.

That was where things got sketchy. 

Murdock raised his head from his personal pink-dust-and-snot Shroud of Turin and glared balefully around the room. At the very least, his sneezing seemed to have subsided. 

“They’re going to wake up soon, and we don’t know how long the drug’s effects last,” he said. “The previous victims were never exposed to more than a small amount of it, and they were still affected for hours. If exposure to this much amplifies or extends the effect, then I’m worried about keeping them contained. We’ve already lost Luke and Danny. What happens if Claire and Misty and Colleen wake up and get loose?” 

Jessica shrugged and held up a fist. “I could keep punching them?”

“And give them permanent brain damage? No thanks.”

“Well, what’s the alternative? Let them loose and let them go after each other? 

Matt blanched. She watched him worry his lip with his teeth. 

“We need to find Luke and Danny,” he said. “And we need to somehow get them back here without too much of a fight.”

Jessica winced. The last time she’d seen them… yeah, there was definitely going to be a fight.

“We need backup,” she said.

“I know some people.”

“Foggy and Karen can’t wrestle Luke Cage and the Iron Fist.”

He glared in the vicinity of her chin. “I know more people than just those two.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

He shook his head and dragged his cowl back on. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Hopefully with both of them intact. Don’t let these three escape.”

She gave him a mocking salute. “Roger roger.”

He did his Batman routine and disappeared out of the window. The parting sneeze he let out ruined the exit.

**

“Thanks for coming on such short notice, guys.”

The tension on the rooftop racketed up another notch.

Spider-Man lifted his hand like he was in school. “Um, Double D, can I ask a question?”

“No.”

He ignored him. “That guy over there - isn’t he the Punisher? Doesn’t he -” his voice dropped to a stage whisper -”kill people?”

“I’m standing right here,” Frank said. “Red, I know you like to run around with other pajama types, but how old is this kid? He sounds like he’s twelve.”

“I am _not_.”

Frank rolled his eyes heavenward like he was asking for guidance from above.

“Can everyone please focus,” Matt begged. This was a terrible idea. “We have a real situation here.”

“Is it zombies?” Wade asked. “Ninjas? Gasp - is it ninja zombies?”

“Not this time, DP.”

“Oh yeah, been there, done that.”

“When did we do ninja zombies?” Spidey asked.

“You weren’t there, kid, you were busy having your solo film.”

Frank was radiating irritation like a perfume. “I know I said I’d let you cash in that favor, Red, but did you have to bring these clowns?”

“I’m not a -”

 _”Enough._ ” Matt used his Daredevil voice. “I called you three because we have a bad situation. There’s a drug going around Manhattan right now. A date rape drug that makes people who ingest or inhale it become infatuated with the first person they come into contact with it. The Defenders tried to take down the operation, but we got doused in it.”

Wade let out a shrill squeal of delight. “O-M-G did you guys have an orgy? _Please_ tell me you recorded it. I need a copy. It’ll be just like the 100,000 word smut fanfic I’ve been writing.”

“I - No, we did not have an orgy. Focus, Wade.” He was going to need a drink after this. “We’ve got almost everybody contained, but Luke Cage and Iron Fist are in the wind.”

“I don’t get it,” Spider-Man piped up. “Why didn’t they come with you?”

“Because…” He couldn’t stop the despair creeping into his voice. “Because Luke touched Iron Fist right after we got doused, and Iron Fist was punching one of the drug manufacturers, so as far as those two know, Iron Fist and this random criminal are madly in love, and Luke is desperately in love with Iron Fist.”

There was a beat of silence.

“So you need us to help you take down Luke Cage,” Frank finally said flatly.

“Exactly. He’s bulletproof, knife-proof, flame-resistant, and has enhanced strength.”

“And he thinks you’re trying to separate him from his boo,” Wade added.

“This sounds like a terrible idea,” Spider-Man said uncertainly.

“But Spidey, babe,” Wade said, leaning down to meet him mask-to-mask. “We have to do this, to protect the Iron Fist’s sweet, sweet virtue from the thick, hard, punishing force of -” Matt’s billy club bounced off of his face and cut him off. “-Luke Cage’s affections. What the fuck, Double D? You think I would say something R-rated in front of the kid? You know he comes from a PG-13 franchise!”

“Everything about you is R-Rated, Wade.”

Frank ignored the banter and stepped closer to Matt. “You guys are taking the drug off the street?”

“Yep.”

“Taking care of the piece of shit who came up with it?”

“Undoubtedly.”

“Then I’m in.” He grabbed his duffle bag of guns and ammo. “We’re gonna need to tape the big guy’s mouth shut, though, or I’m gonna shoot him.”

“It won’t stop him,” Matt said wearily.

“He hasn’t been shot by me before.”

“Ooh, babe, keep talking dirty,” Wade crooned. He sidled up closer to Frank and reached out to touch his thigh. His hand came back with a knife stuck through it. “Ow. Rude.” He pulled the knife out and stuck it in his belt. “Free knife.”

“Okay, guys, let’s just go find Luke Cage,” Spidey said. “They can’t have gone far.”

“Just give me a second,” Matt said. “If I focus, I might be able to hear something.”

He forced out the sounds of his companions and breathed in the city. He slowly let the sounds and smells filter out. He wasn’t sure what he was searching for, but he knew he’d know it when he found it.

“He can’t love you like I do, baby!”

Bingo.

“Follow me,” he said and leapt off the roof.

Wade leapt right after with his usual disregard for having an actual landing plan. Spidey followed behind with a very startled and unhappy Frank Castle slung over his shoulder. Matt was pretty sure the fact that Spidey was obviously well below the legal drinking age was the only thing that stopped him from getting stabbed for manhandling the Punisher. He smirked and swung down to street level. A few blocks in they found their disturbance.

It was messy. Luke and Danny were locked into a wrestling match in the middle of the street. The nameless crook from the warehouse was standing nearby with a crowbar.

“Get off me, Luke!” Danny shouted. “Why can’t you just get out of my face? I want to go with Gary, not you!”

“But you just met Gary,” Luke said, sounding almost lucid. “You don’t know anything about him, or his character. He couldn’t treat you _right_ , baby. I love you, Danny.” Okay, there went the lucidity.

“Don’t listen to him, babe,” the crook - Gary, apparently - said. “Get out of the way, you big lug. Danny’s _my_ man.”

Luke tried to lunge at him, and Danny redoubled his efforts to hold him back. It was like watching a pomeranian try to pull a dog sled.

“This is just embarrassing,” Spidey said.

Matt couldn’t agree more. “Okay, guys. Here’s the plan: incapacitate Gary, then Iron Fist, and then we all tag team on Luke. We have to get him to come with us to the dojo.”

“Can do!” Spidey swung off to perch on a streetlight and string some web around Luke’s arms. He immediately started straining against the web, dragging Spidey almost off the pole before he got a grip and wrapped the web around it.

Wade made a run for Gary, but Danny beat him to it.

“Don’t touch my Gary!” Danny screamed. His punch threw Wade backward several feet.

Matt leapt in and went toe to toe with him. “Wade! Get Gary!” He narrowly ducked a kick to his head and stepped in to land several rabbit punches on Danny’s chest. Danny’s attention was split between fighting Matt and trying to get to Gary.

Gary had decided to use his crowbar on Wade. “You guys leave me and Danny alone! You’re all bastards, trying to get in the way of true love!”

Wade was toying with him. “True love? You call this lame shit true love? I bet you can’t even name one of his solo albums!”

“Double D!” Spidey wailed. “I can’t hold him much longer!”

Luke was taking steady steps towards Danny, completely ignoring the web on his arms and legs. Spidey was hanging on, but he was being dragged despite his best efforts.

Matt heard Frank sigh and mutter a curse before he stepped past the fighting pairs. He walked level to Luke and pulled a shotgun out of his trenchcoat. He leveled it directly at Luke’s chest and fired.

“That’s not going to do anything!” Matt shouted. Danny landed a hit to the side of his head. Matt gritted his teeth and came back with a vicious right hook that sent him reeling.

“It slowed him down, didn’t it?” He fired again. Luke’s shirt was shreds now, and the pink powder that had settled on it had puffed into the air. 

Matt smelled it over the gunpowder and panicked.

“Do not touch that powder!”

He quickly, viciously knocked Danny unconscious and pivoted. Luke had knocked Frank aside when he saw Danny go down. Spidey had dropped the webs and caught Frank. The two of them were sitting dramatically in the street, Frank in Spidey’s arms. Matt could hear their heart rates picking up.

“H-Hi,” Spidey said.

“Hi, beautiful,” Frank said in a rough, soft voice.

“Oh, fuck,” Matt said. He turned and felt Wade walking up to where Luke was crouched next to Danny.

“Hey, big guy,” he said. “Want we should stop fighting, and you can come with us to take Danny to his dojo-slash-place of residence?”

“Take Danny home?” Luke asked. He sounded hopeful.

“Yeah buddy. Back to his very own abode. You can sniff his underwear drawer and everything.”

“What about Gary?” Luke sounded murderous.

“We’ll leave him here for the cops,” Matt said. He cautiously approached Spidey and Frank. “Hey, Spidey, can you web up this guy?”

Spidey jerked like he was coming out of a trance. “Web? Guy? Who, Frank?”

“No, not Frank. Gary,” he said patiently.

“Oh, yeah, sure.” He stood and gently pulled Frank to his feet. “I’ll be right back, Frank.”

“I’ll be waiting for you,” Frank said, still in that gentle, love-struck voice.

This - This wasn’t ideal, but Matt was determined to make the best of it. He called the precinct to get somebody to pick up Gary, who was now webbed to a dumpster. When he finished that, he turned to find Frank and Spidey were shyly holding hands. Spidey’s heart was thumping overtime, and he could feel the heat displacement of his whole-body blush from here. Frank seemed calm, but anytime he spoke, it was in that unsettlingly sweet voice. Luke was cradling Danny in his arms and pressing kisses into his hairline.

Wade had pulled out one of his phones and was taking pictures.

“This is priceless,” he crowed. “Schoolboy crush on one side, bodice ripper romance novel on the other. Hey, Double D, who are you in love with?”

“What? Wade, I’m not in the mood. We have to get them walking to the dojo.”

“No, I mean,” He flicked a finger in the pink dust that was still worming into the cracks of the Daredevil suit. “You got covered, too, didn’t you? Why aren’t you going ga-ga for one of your little buddies?”

Matt had been chewing on that, too. “I don’t know. Maybe you need to be able to see the person you next touch? Because I don’t feel any different.”

Wade made a long thinking sound before he shrugged. “Don’t know, don’t care. Let’s go.”

Frank and Spidey didn’t need much convincing. They held hands the whole time, but it was kind of sweet and innocent. Matt was glad. He couldn’t handle them if they’d decided to get physical. Not mentioning, he didn’t want to be the one talking Frank out of ritual suicide if he found out he’d been macking on a minor. Hand-holding and shy endearments? Yeah, he could deal with this.

“Come on, Luke. We’ve got to take Danny home. He’s tired.”

Luke reluctantly stood up, cradling the Immortal Iron Fist close to his chest. He made sure to tenderly cradle his head into the crook of his neck.

“Okay, let’s take Danny home.”

Finally, finally they got the train rolling. Matt led the way with Luke right behind him. Frank and Spidey were next, with Wade as the rear guard. Maybe they would actually make it to the dojo at this rate.

One gang of would-be muggers later - who had taken one look at a group consisting of three costumed heroes, the Punisher in his skull kevlar, and a protective Luke Cage and ran for it - they made it to the dojo just in time to hear a crash. Matt’s heart leapt into his throat.

“Jessica?” He burst through the front door.

“I’m fine. It’s fine,” she called out, holding her hands up.

He stopped, perplexed. Claire and Colleen were awake now. Misty was awake - and had apparently broken her bonds. She was now…

“Misty, what are you doing to Jessica?”

Misty shrugged where she was sidled up close to Jessica with her hands on both of her hips. “I’m just giving my girl a hug. My fine, sweet girl.”

Matt felt his blood boiling. He stalked forward and ripped her hands off of Jessica. “Hands to yourself, Misty.”

Misty fell into a fighting stance. “You wanna fight for her? I’ll kick your ass three ways to Sunday, Devil-Man.”

Jessica groaned and stepped between them. “Misty, leave Matt alone.”

“Oh, so you’re going to take his side? What about the bond that we share, Jessie?”

Matt made an aborted gesture to go after her. Jessica held him back. “Both of you, cut it out.”

“This is dramatic,” Spidey observed from the doorway.

Frank snorted. “I know they’re your friends, babe, but I don’t know how I feel about you hanging out with these guys.”

Luke brushed past them to tenderly set Danny down on the mat. Claire was crying quietly.

“Can someone just please untie me? I just want to be with Colleen.”

Colleen was more aggressive. She was yanking on the ropes. “Untie me now! Claire needs me!”

Wade was looking around the room with a contemplative tilt to his head. He looked up and around, like he was reading something above his head. He perked up and snapped his fingers.

“I gotta bounce, guys! I’ll be in touch!”

Matt snapped out of his pissing contest with Misty long enough to give Wade a despairing groan. “Wait, Wade? Where are you going?”

“Greenwich Village!” He cheerfully ran out of the dojo and slammed the door behind him.

Luke looked up from fretting over Danny long enough to rub his head. “Why’s he going there?”

Jessica growled something under her breath and took charge. “Okay, all you fuckers listen up. Castle, Spidey, go sit in the corner over there. No fooling around. Claire, Colleen, if I untie you, will you promise me something?”

Claire nodded. “Anything.”

“If I untie you, you have to keep everything G-rated, okay? No matter how much you want to, you need to not do anything you’ll regret with each other. Matt will know if you do. He’ll tell me.”

Matt found himself nodding. “I will.”

Colleen looked sulky, but Claire was nodding. “Just untie us, please.”

Jessica gave Matt the nod. He moved to untie them. Misty took her opportunity to move into Jessica’s personal space again. Matt paused in his task and grimaced, but he still finished untying the girls. 

They immediately leapt into each others’ arms and started peppering their faces with kisses.

“Claire! Colleen!” Jessica groaned and rubbed her eyes. “I trusted you.”

Matt pulled them apart. “No kissing. No groping. Just sit here and behave.”

They glared at him, but they sat down on the mat.

Jessica was just ignoring Misty at this point. “Okay, Matt, now what do we do?”

“I’m fresh out of ideas, unfortunately.”

“Do we know what kind of drug this is?” Spidey asked. “Any info? Because it’s not behaving like any drug I’ve ever seen. If we knew the composition, we might be able to predict when it will wear off.”

Frank gave him a one-armed hug and a dopey smile. “You’re so smart, baby.”

“It might wear off faster for you two,” Matt said. “You only got a small dose coming off of Luke’s shirt. The rest of us got pretty much covered in the stuff.”

“Dosage size might not have anything to do with it,” Claire said. She was tracing patterns on Colleen’s hand with her thumb. “I mean, as far as we know, none of us have overdosed.”

“This is a weird-ass drug,” Misty concluded. She rested her chin on Jessica’s shoulder and hugged her from behind.

“Hey, Danny’s waking up!” Luke sounded overjoyed.

“Oh shit,” Jessica said.

Oh shit indeed. Danny took a moment to groan and rub his head before he got his bearings. Luke loomed over him with a huge grin on his face. Danny recoiled like he’d been struck.

“Where - we’re at the dojo? I don’t understand. Where’s Gary?”

Luke’s grin turned into a scowl. “Forget about him, sweetheart. You don’t need him; you have me.”

Danny edged away from him. “I don’t want you. I want Gary. Where is he?”

“Who’s Gary?” Jessica asked.

“He’s my boyfriend,” Danny said happily.

“He can’t be your boyfriend. _I’m_ your boyfriend!”

“He’s the guy Danny was punching when the powder hit us,” Matt told Jessica.

“I shouldn’t have punched him,” Danny said. “I just didn’t know him well enough, then. But I love him, and he says he forgives me.”

“I would never punch you,” Luke said fervently. “I love you so much, Danny.”

“I don’t care if you love me. I’m in love with Gary.”

Luke punched the floor. “Gary’s in jail now because he’s a bad person, Danny!”

“Oh, Luke, no,” Matt moaned.

“Jail?” Danny’s voice got quiet, dangerous. “Gary’s in jail?”

“He’s a scumbag,” Frank called helpfully.

“Gary’s a good person!” Danny yelled. He sprang to his feet, wobbling a little from the probable concussion he had. “I’ve gotta go rescue him!” He wobbled towards the door. He stopped to gag.

“I think you’re concussed,” Claire said from the floor. “You should sit down.”

“I can’t. I need -” His sentence was interrupted by a sudden spew of vomit. Luke came up to rub his back. “Don’t - urk - don’t touch me!”

Jessica had buried her entire face in her hands. Matt walked over to pat her shoulder. Misty knocked his hand aside with a snarl.

“Leave my girlfriend alone.”

Matt felt a headache building. Could he punch Misty? Just knock her out again? Please? Danny was making another break for it. Luke was holding him back. Matt stepped around the puddle of vomit to try to reason with them.

“Danny, what you’re feeling isn’t real. It’s just the drug.”

“No, you don’t understand.” Good Lord, he was crying now. “I love him so much, Matt.”

“I’m sure you think you do, but you need to sit back down. You’re hurt.”

Danny’s pulse was climbing. Matt could feel the strange whir of energy building in his right hand.

“Danny,” he said slowly. “I need you to think this through.”

“None of you understand how I feel.” His fist was radiating heat now. “I’m sorry to do this, but Gary needs me.”

There was a strange sizzling sound in the air. Matt cocked his head at it. There was something… wrong… with the middle of the dojo. He wasn’t sure what it was until Deadpool came flying through whatever it was to launch himself crotch-first at Danny.

“Black Widow flying chokehold!” he screamed as he flew through the air. 

Several things happened at once.

Danny’s focus wavered, and his Fist started to dissipate. Luke tried to shove Danny behind him to protect him from Wade and ended up catching Wade’s crotch with his face. Wade wrapped his thighs around Luke’s face even as he screamed, “Holy fucking shitballs, I think I just broke my dick off!” Danny, shoved behind Luke, slipped in the vomit and skidded into Luke’s legs, knocking Luke and Wade off-balance. All three of them ended up in the vomit puddle.

“Well, this is even less dignified than I thought it would be,” a cool voice said.

The whatever-it-was in the middle of the room disappeared. It left behind a man that smelled like incense, herbs, dusty old books, and a spicy metallic smell like lightning and burning salts. A cloak flapped around his body despite the lack of wind inside the dojo.

“Who are you supposed to be?” Jessica asked. “It’s not Halloween yet.”

The man tilted his head towards her. “It’s a good thing this isn’t a costume, then.” He drew himself up higher. “My name is Stephen Strange. I am the Sorcerer Supreme, Master of the Mystic Arts, protector of Earth. And you are the ones the papers call the Defenders, correct?”

“That’s us,” Matt said.

“I have to thank you, then. I’ve been tracking some unpleasant magical dealings in this city for two weeks now. I had yet to narrow it down until you stumbled upon the heart of the operation. It’s unfortunate that you were exposed to the curse, but it directly led to Deadpool contacting me with your whereabouts, so I guess we can call it a win.”

“Hold up,” Jessica said. “Curse?”

“Yes, the thing that you believed was a drug? It’s not actually a drug.” He waved a dismissive hand. “The powder is just the physical manifestation of the charm these would-be wizards cooked up. Truly, such a banal use of magic, it’s actually insulting.”

“But are you able to reverse the effects?” Matt asked. 

Strange huffed dismissively. “Like I said, it’s a paltry little charm. It shouldn’t take much to disrupt it.”

He strode over to the smelly puddle that was Luke, Wade, and Danny. “Wade, please get out of the way.”

“Gotcha, Mister Dr. Strange, sir!” Wade hopped up and away, still limping a little from his presumably-crushed manhood. 

Strange murrmured some kind of incantation and waved his hands. Matt wasn’t sure what exactly was going on, but that metallic-spicy smell intensified for a moment.

Danny moaned. “Oh. What happened? My head…”

Luke pulled himself up from on top of Danny. “Danny? What’s going on? Why did I… Did I try to kiss you?”

Strange moved on from them to Frank and Spidey. They were much less dramatic about it. They merely looked at each other for a moment as they came to their senses, then scooted a few feet away. Spidey’s heart was racketing up, but neither he nor Frank did anything rash.

Strange did the same with Colleen, Claire, and Misty. They all blinked as if awakening from a dream. Strange approached Jessica and Matt finally.

“Alright, it’s your turn,” he said.

“What are you talking about?” Jessica asked. “We’re not affected.”

“You’re not?” Strange sounded surprised. He looked between the two of them. “No, my detection is never wrong. Both you and the Daredevil are enshrouded in the charm.”

Matt and Jessica shared a glance - or as much of one as Matt could give. 

“But we’re not acting any differently than usual,” Matt said.

Strange continued to glance between the two of them. He muttered something and flicked his hands at them. “Well, you are definitely enwebbed in the spell’s grip. Either both of you have an amazing natural resistance to magic, or…” He let out a chuckle. “Or, more likely, you two were already in love when the spell struck you.”

You could hear a pin drop in the room. Wade broke the silence by guffawing.

“Oh man! Dr. Strange ratted you out! That’s so embarrassing!”

“There’s… There’s nothing to rat out,” Matt said weakly. “Jessica and I aren’t…”

“Just do your thing already,” Jessica snapped.

“As you wish.” Strange made the same incantation and finger-waving at the two of them. “Okay, it’s done.”

Matt didn’t feel any different. Jessica was also fidgeting uncomfortably. Dr. Strange seemed satisfied with his work.

“Well, this has been enlightening. Don’t worry, I’ll clean up the warehouse where you found this mess.” He dusted his hands off and did something that made the center of the dojo sizzle and feel wrong again. “Thank you again for helping me find the source of this magical scourge. If you ever have need of me, my Sanctum is in Greenwich Village. 177A Bleeker Street. Farewell, Defenders.”

The wrongness disappeared with one last sizzle and a pop.

The silence stretched out for a few minutes.

It was Colleen who spoke up. “I am going to the nearest liquor store, and I’m taking Danny’s card, and I’m going to buy everything.”

“I second that,” Claire said.

“And we’re never going to talk about this again,” Misty finished.

There was a chorus of agreements.

“I’ll escort Spidey back to Queens,” Wade said. 

“I don’t need an escort,” Spidey complained.

“I’ll buy you a burrito on the way.”

“Oh, okay, then.” Spidey stood up and offered Frank his hand shyly. “Um, despite the circumstances, I guess I should say it was nice to meet you, Mr. Punisher.”

Frank took his hand and stood up. “You can call me Frank, kid. This was weird. Avengers-weird.” He shrugged and grabbed his duffle. “But you’re not half bad, kid. I’ll see you around.”

“You don’t have to leave,” Colleen said.

“Nah, I’m going. I gotta go find somebody to punch.”

Matt agreed fervently, but he stayed while Colleen took off with Misty, Frank trotted off, and Deadpool and Spidey raced out of the nearest window. Luke was getting towels to wipe up the vomit. Claire was examining Danny.

“So, in love, huh?” Jessica asked.

Matt pulled his cowl off and grimaced. “Unless we’re both magic-resistant?”

“That’s pretty unlikely.” She seemed to be stewing over it. To his surprise, she just shrugged. “Well, fuck. I don’t remember falling in love with you.”

He laughed. “Must’ve happened at some point.”

“Must have.” She looked over the room for a minute and sighed. “So, get plastered tonight, figure the rest out tomorrow?”

“Jessica, I have never heard a better plan in my life.”

Claire looked up from her examination of Danny. “So what, that’s it? I thought you’d be freaking out.”

“They might be in shock,” Luke said.

“Nah, their energies are balanced,” Danny said. Whatever that meant. “I think they just understand that it’s the truth.”

“I just can’t believe that it took a wizard to figure it out,” Jessica said.

“With those two?” Claire said. “I’m somehow not surprised.”

Matt shrugged. Jessica shrugged. Honestly, it wasn’t even the weirdest thing to happen tonight.

“Let’s get plastered and never speak of this again,” they agreed.


End file.
